The Witzard

Jonathan's Golden Wings (demo) by Tim Heidecker "This is a quick track I put together, after reading about these disgusting gold-encrusted chicken wings 🍗 www.youtube.com/watch?v=xSub4951k9g The first line from that a$$hole's interview jumped out at me as a good first lyric... I know nothing else about any of these people. I jumped to some conclusions. All proceeds go to LA FOOD BANK !" Lyrics: "I became friends with Jonathan Through the nightlife scene I met him through The Kardashians He was part of their social media team I knew him from Instagram Part of the bouichy Fancy Foodie Fam We began talking about our dreams and what we'd like to do We were both young and had come from means And we wanted what'd get us that clickbait news We could have done anything, But we settled on gold-encrusted chicken wings (OH-OOOH WHY?) We'd serve 'em up all through the night Charge a thousand bucks for just one plate And I have to admit...

"MCDONALD’S, MAN MCDONALD’S, MAN THE FRENCH FRIES HAD A PLAN THE FRENCH FRIES HAD A PLAN THE SALAD BAR AND THE KETCHUP MADE A BAND 'CUS THE FRENCH FRIES HAD A PLAN THE FRENCH FRIES HAD A PLAN MCDONALD’S, MAN MCDONALD’S I KNOW THEM FRENCH FRIES HAVE A PLAN I KNOW THEM FRENCH FRIES HAVE A PLAN THE CHEESEBURGER AND THE SHAKES FORMED A BAND TO OVERTHROW THE FRENCH FRIES’ PLAN I ALWAYS KNEW THEM FRENCH FRIES WAS EVIL, MAN SMELLING ALL GOOD AND SH*T I DON’T TRUST NO FOOD THAT SMELLS GOOD, MAN I DON’T TRUST IT I JUST CAN’T MCDONALD’S, MAN MCDONALD’S, MAN MCDONALD’S, DAMN THEM FRENCH FRIES LOOK GOOD [THOUGH] I KNEW THE DIET COKE WAS JEALOUS OF THE FRIES I KNEW THE MCNUGGETS WAS JEALOUS OF THE FRIES EVEN THE MCRIB WAS JEALOUS OF THE FRIES I COULD SEE IT THROUGH HIS ARTIFICIAL MEAT EYES AND HE ONLY BE THERE SOME OF THE TIME EVERYBODY WAS JEALOUS OF THEM FRENCH FRIES EXCEPT FOR THAT ONE SPECIAL GUY... THAT SMOOTH APPLE PIE" - TEXT BY KANYE WEST.

"Hey baby, you forgot your Ray Bans And my sheets still orange from your spray tan It was more than soft porn for the K-man She remember my Sprinter, said "I was in the grape van" Uhm, well cutie, I like your bougie booty Come Erykah Badu me, well, let's make a movie... No more parties in LA Please, baby, no more parties in LA" - Kanye & Kendrick Lamar Kanye West is without a doubt one of the most charismatic, unabashedly outspoken to a fault, and arguably creative artists in all of Hip-Hop and even all of music; in my eyes, West, the self-proclaimed "No. 1 Rockstar On The Planet," could easily be likened to Classic Rock monoliths Queen , who once performed "Bohemian Rhapsody" at Glastonbury . For purposes of this very analogy I'm trying yo set up, that would in turn, make President Obama 's favorite emcee, Kendrick Lamar , David Bowie in our "Under Pressure" -referencing equation. Lamar's To Pimp a...

Kanye West , a man who very recently rapped something along the lines of "black Timbs all on your couch again / black d*ck all in your spouse again..." married his long-time girlfriend Kim Kardashian this past weekend. The Florence wedding ceremony held at the 16th century Fort di Belvedere was preceded by an extravagant pre-party held in Paris Friday night, which was seemingly attended by everyone from Rick Rubin to Jaden "White Batman" Smith ; in lieu of James Fanco & Seth Rogen 's tastefully declined "Bound 3" performance invitation, early reports suggest that Lana del Rey , Katy Perry, Andrea Bocelli , John Legend, and illusionist David Blaine performed at various point throughout the wedding reception and ceremony. It just seems to be a sheer coincidence that Kayne 's new "YEEZi" sneaker partner, Adidas released a World Cup web-commercial complete with previously unreleased music on the same weekend as Kim & Kanye...

I guess I've been experiencing somewhat of a writer's block spell for the better part of this past week, maybe I'm just uninspired... or maybe the state of popular music as a whole has seen better days; all week long, I've just wanted to write two solid Punk Rock and Hip-Hop pieces, but nothing worth-while had really piqued my interest(s) thusfar. Although all that immediately changed once I read Noisey editor Dan Ozzi 's latest piece, titled "Kanye West and Crustpunk: Together at Last." It makes completely logical sense, considering Kanye 's recent genre-pulverizing Industrial-Rap monster of an album, Yeezus and I honestly feel that this is something he'd really enjoy listening to. Ozzi further describes the Jake Bowman -orchestrated mash-up album as "sort of an odd pairing, putting Kanye 's pompous rap verses over that crack rock-steady beat." He additionally notes that "most of Kanye 's fans probably wouldn't k...

Let's be honest here, it'd be almost impossible for a part-time writer/web-master like myself with a regular 9-5, too to even attempt to assemble a 50-album year-end list in an effort to "compete" with the Big Dogs like Pitchfork , Stereogum, etc; I think it'd be far more feasible to do a list of my Top 5 Favorite Albums of 2013, not even your typical run-the-mill best of list. So, with that said, here's a collective run-down of the most played artists and companion albums on The Serpent (my 160GB iPod), my car stereo, and personal iTunes library. I tried to compile a pretty diverse broad-spanning list, which ranges from Industrial Aggro-Hip-Hop to Philly-bred "Pig-Fuck." Enjoy the list and Happy New Year! While The Wizard's #5-ranking album is seemingly an unwarranted 16-track leaked bootleg; the scattered fragments of Jai Paul 's long-rumored XL Recordings album. Included within were 16 rough tracks, 3 of which had been previously releas...

Hyper-productive actor/director and sometimes writer/artist James Franco recently teamed back up with his This Is The End/Pineapple Express co-star and long-time buddy Seth Rogen to film a shot-for-shot re-creation of Kanye & Kim 's grandiose "Bound 2" video, which debuted online just last Tuesday. From what I understand, Franco & Rogen are currently on-set filming The Interview (out Oct. 2014), supposedly centered around "an attractive talk show host and his producer [who] unwittingly get caught up in an international assassination plot" ... and this is what they've been doing in-between takes! "Bound 3" really doesn't do anything at all to help put to rest James Franco 's oft-questioned [homo]sexuality, including but not limited to passionate lip-locking, romantic middle American landscapes, endearing bro-hugs, and a few vaguely insinuated dirty scenes. Lest we forget, this isn't exactly the first time Franco's ha...

The lone Soul -based track on Kanye 's recent Death Grips -inspired Aggro-Hip-Hop album Yeezus , "Bound 2" essentially made me commit record-diggin' treason and buy a bootleg LP on South Street against my better judgement, which ended up being f*#king scratched mid-way through the coveted track! After performing it on a number of late night variety shows, Kanye finally debuted the official Nick Knight -directed "Bound 2" music video on Ellen Tuesday morning. It's a semi-strange trip across America 's lush countryside, with new-found fiance Kim Kardashian awkwardly seated backwards on the front of Kanye 's BITCHIN' motorcycle; Ellen kinda forgot to Tweet -ion [mention] that Kim 's essentially topless and somehow, sans nipples, too. Knight manages to artfully inter-splice in images of wild horses, a Bald Eagle , Kanye in double flannel, and a bunch of all- American imagery that counter-echoes Kanye 's Wes Lang-designed Confe...

" JIMMY KIMMEL IS OUT OF LINE TO TRY AND SPOOF IN ANY WAY THE FIRST PIECE OF HONEST MEDIA IN YEARS." " JIMMY KIMMEL , I DON'T TAKE IT AS A JOKE... YOU DON'T HAVE SCUM BAGS HOPPING OVER FENCES TRYING TO TAKE PICTURES OF YOUR DAUGHTER." " JIMMY KIMMEL , PUT YOURSELF IN MY SHOES... OH NO, THAT MEANS YOU WOULD HAVE GOTTEN TOO MUCH GOOD P*$SY IN YOUR LIFE." "YOU CAN'T PUT YOURSELF IN MY SHOES. YOUR FACE LOOKS CRAZY... IS THAT FUNNY?... OR IF I HAD A KID SAY IT, WOULD IT BE FUNNY???" "SHOULD I DO A SPOOF ABOUT YOUR FACE OR YOU F*CKING BEN AFFLECK ... #NODISRESPECTTOBENAFFLECK #ALLDISRESPECTTOJIMMYKIMMEL!!!!" "I LIKE YOU, YOU KNOW ME, I WENT TO YOUR FAMILY'S WEDDING." "WHO YOU MADE IT CLEAR TO ME WASN'T YOUR FAMILY WHEN I WAS ON THEN PHONE WITH YOU 5 MINUTES AGO, YOU MANIPULATIVE MEDIA MUTHERF*CKER." " SARAH SILVERMAN IS A THOUSAND TIMES FUNNIER THAN YOU AND THE WHOLE WORLD KNOWS I...

While a rough, largely unfinished version was leaked a week or 2 ago and then re-upped in a more interactive/customizable form over the weekend, "BLKKK SKKKNHEAD" (Black Skinhead) was finally [officially] uploaded to YouTube mid-Tuesday afternoon. Painstakingly developed by Kanye and director Nick Knight over the past 5+ months, "BLKKK SKKKN HEAD" is really more so an anti-hit, even though it's been used in Martin Scorses 's new trailer, The Wolf of Wall Street; The same squeaky clean edit has been released to urban radio stations nation-wide, which is slowly starting to pick up steam as a chart-topping "single." I think the only way I can possibly even begin to describe "Black Skinhead"' s special effects are those janky late 90's Tony Hawk , Grand Theft Auto, WWF , etc. video game build-a-player featurettes. Tech-savvy Hip-Hop fans can head on over to Mr. West 's personal website , where you're actually able ...

" Scott Disick 's dreams come true in the promo that I originally wrote for Kanye 's new record, but not a lot was used: kanyewest.com ," Tweeted American Psycho (1991) author Bret Easton Ellis . Rather than Christian Bale & Jared Leto , it co-stars Kourtney Kardashian 's "baby daddy" Scott Disick and Kim Kardashian 's BFF, Jonathan Cheban re-creating an infamous scene from the film; effectively subbing Huey Lewis & The News psycho killer talk for an interesting commentary on Yeezus . It's essentially the same footage that was projected on a few building sides, post album listening sessions, across the world this past weekend. Disick as Patrick Bateman impassionately laments about Yeezus , "It should be obvious by now that "New Slaves" is the undisputed masterpiece on Yeezus . A song so catchy, most people wont even remember the lyrics... But they should," as he walks into a side room and pits on a raincoat. ...

What kind of madman would spend the better part of a year recording and re-recording an anti-commercial mainstream Hip-Hop album (if that's even a thing ha) all while his celebutante girlfriend is carrying their unborn baby and steadily nearing her dude date, only to have mega-producer Rick Rubin come in and re-work the entire 10-track collection mere hours before it's deadline!? - Unsurprisingly, Kanye West . It's almost mind boggling how much steam Yeezus has garnered without a proper single or music video, aside from "New Slaves"' building-side projections across the world, and virtually no album track leakage until the Friday before it's Tuesday June 18th release! Aside from all that, Kanye decided to boldly stray away from any sort of legitimate-looking album artwork/packaging, instead opting for the ghetto bootleg CD-R look: no cover or booklet, empty jewel CD case, sparse tracklist on the reverse side, and only a Yeezus -marked piece of red ta...

Rest assured, I guess you could say it was a pretty BIG week for Mr. West , who's finally come back into prominence for something else besides banging a Kardashian or walking into a street sign. Late Friday night Kanye debuted his new pseudo-video for "New Slaves" projected across 66 building sides in 10 major world cities; It's second unreleased 1/2 is rumored to feature Frank Ocean and the track supposedly utilizes an un-cleared sample culled from Hungarian Prog-Rock band, Omega . We're talkin' about guerrilla-style take-overs @ Wrigley Field (Chicago), Brooklyn, Los Angeles , Sydney, London , Paris, etc. projected out of make-shift truck/projectors sprawled across the night sky May 11-19th. This is all most likely part of an early promo campaign in support of Kanye 's upcoming album [possibly titled] "Yeezus," which may or may not be out as early as June 18th. Earlier in the week, he took a break from rigorous recording sessions in Par...

I'm just gonna go out on a limb here and say that "Numbers On The Board" is my favourite Hip-Hop track of 2013 [so far], although Pusha T is quite honestly far from my favourite rapper. I mean, Wrath of Caine is great and so were/are Clipse . But Pusha T never really had that one stand out, defining moment for me and I think "Numbers On The Board" is finally it! Parisian director/graphic artist So Me filmed it's companion music video during a break in recording sessions for Kanye 's top secret new album; Rumored to feature Daft Punk , Chief Keef, Odd Future , Skrillex, John Legend , and 2 Chainz and could be out as early as June 18th. Kanye & Chief Keef both make brief cameo appearances towards "Numbers On The Board"' s end, pulled from Pusha T 's forthcoming G.O.O.D. Music debut, My Name Is My Name (July 16th). Whilst spitting rapid-fire verses over a gritty Don Cannon co-produced instrumental, Pusha T struts through ...

Man, Death Grips had one Hell of a 2012: signing and ultimately getting dropped from Epic Records , released 2 full-length albums, made an interactive "I've Seen Footage" video for MTV , teamed up with Galen Pehrson/MOCA for an art project, leaked a few private e-mails, etc. Despite [or maybe because of] all the controversy, The Money Store and NO LOVE DEEP WEB are definitely worth a couple highly attentive, aggression-filled listens. Looks like Zach Hill & MC Ride decided to start 2013 with an Internet -shaking BANG... "Come up and get me" (short film). It's a 13-minute black-and-white, 3/4's silent film/music video clip that was filmed @ Hollywood 's infamous Chateau Marmont . "Come up and get me" 's hard-hitting audio track doesn't even kick in til around 9 minutes deep and the rest stars Stefan Burnett [Ride] as a "leading man," of sorts. Hill & Burnett filmed a bunch of self-directed footage whil...

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Based off the Jimmy Kimmel Live stock footage in the clip's opening sequences, I believe this "Alligator Boots" pilot dates back to about 2006-08; As the track performed on Kimmel ("Brand New") was featured on Rhymefest 's 2006 album, Blue Collar , and indefinately pre-dates Kanye's 808's & Heartbreak (2008). Basically, Kanye & Rhymefest were hardcore fans of Crank Yankers ... imminently got together with its creators, Jimmy Kimmel , and Jack-Hole Industries (The Man Show) to create a puppet-based [ghetto] sketch comedy show; 30-some various puppet characters were carefully made and pretty much wasted. One can TOTALLY tell that this show had a lot of "potential" ...even from this rough outline of a pilot episode. What we have here is essentially a behind-the-scenes look @ the creation of the various aspects of the canned show. I wonder what halted Comedy Central from green-lighting "Alligator Boots?" Pretty sure th...