Jade Hairpins Revealed to Be Jonah Falco & Mike Haliechuk from F*CKED UP, Plot February 2020 UK Tour Behind 2018 12-inch (Merge Records)

Jade Hairpins quietly released a 12-inch/digital single on Merge Records back in October 2018 consisting of two 7+ minute-long tracks, "Mother Man" & "Gracefully." Discogs list their Genre/Style as Electronic, Rock, Pop, Synth-Pop, and Indie Rock and Jade Hairpins themselves label their genre as "Alternative" on Bandcamp. I'm, personally, reminded a bit of the bleeps and blips of The Bravery, The Cure, Four Tet, LCD Soundsystem, and New Order. Seemingly, out of nowhere, Monday afternoon, Merge Records (@mergerecords) mysteriously Tweeted, "~ t o m o r r o w ~," along with a 9-second video and a glowing Jade Hairpins logo. As promised, the following day, Tuesday, February 4, 2020, @mergerecords Tweeted, "Hhhhhaayyyyyeeeeelllllloooo! Back in 2018, Jade Hairpins emerged mysteriously like a pair of cranes from a tall grove, shared their immediately danceable debut 12-inch single, "Mother Man" B/W "Gracefully," and just as quickly, receded back into the shade." It was followed up by yet another Tweet, which read, "... turns out, Jade Hairpins is the brainchild of Jonah Falco & Mike Haliechuk of @F*CKEDUP infamy. Together, they will present the debut live performances of Jade Hairpins this month in The United Kingdom!"

It has since been revealed within a Merge Records press release that the clues were, in fact, there all along: Tankcrimes released F*CKED UP's 2018 "High Rise" 7-inch ahead of Dose Your Dreams, backed by the B-side, "Tower On Time," which was credited to Jade Hairpins. Plus, if you were to comb back through the unsung lyrics for Dose Your Dreams' "Accelerate," you'll find the line, "her hair was pinned by jade." I'll say this much, it definitely doesn't sound anything even remotely similar to F*CKED UP, but Jade Hairpins, indeed, rock in their own way; you can tell Jonah & Mike are having fun flexing their non-Punk/Hardcore abilities, as a "side-band" is intended to do! It appears as though F*CKED UP frontman Damian Abraham, much like the rest of the world, knew absolutely nothing about Jonah Falco & Mike Haliechuk's involvement in Jade Hairpins, as made apparent by a string of recent Tweets. In celebration of their very public "coming out" as Jade Hairpins, Falco & Haliechuk will be embarking on a February 2020 UK Tour from 2/14-23 with openers Nation Unrest, Basic D*cks & High Vis. Jade Hairpins' 2018 debut, "Mother Man" B/W "Gracefully" is still available in both physical and digital formats through Merge Records.

"So, Mike & Jonah have a new band that I know nothing about! Check it out... as I will be doing, too! Yo, it just hit me: Mike & Jonah are kinda handsome, huh? No wonder people always ask... me... if I'm the drummer... UPDATE: It does not sound like Ruination or Scare Tactic. UPDATE #2: I dig it! It sounds like a record Mike would have made fun of me for buying at #RicsCollectables (RIP) back when were were in our 20's. Go see them on tour and tell Jonah I [say,] "hello," BUT NOT MIKE! J/K say, "hello" to Mike. Also, if you are a wrestling fan, please, talk to him as much as you can about UK Pro-Wrestling! @InsaneChampWres, @ThisIs_Progress, @ProWrestlingEVE, #WorldOfSport: He loves it all! (He's kinda shy, so you may have to work on him to open up about his passion.)"

- Damian "Pink Eyes" Abraham (@leftfordamian)

"Let Me Shine for You:" Lindsay Lohan for Playboy (Winter 2011-12 Leak)

Lindsay Lohan essentially embodies exactly "What NOT to Do In Hollywood :" Fame, fortune, success... sex, drugs & Rock "N" Roll . Within a fairly short period of time, Lohan somehow managed to obtain a plentiful helping of POWER @ a very young age. This gradual rise-downfall was captured on film; Between 1998-2010, she portrayed a wide array of roles across the silver screen in movies including: Mean Girls, Bobby , Herbie Fully Loaded , Georgia Rule, Machete , and Freaky Friday . Between rapid-paced film shoots, Lindsay Lohan also found time to record 2 Pop Rock albums for Casablanca , Speak (2004) and A Litter More Personal-Raw (2005). Needless to say, Lindsay Lohan has gotten roped up in a lot of troubles and woes with the law over the last 3-5 years... a vicious cycle of drugs, arrest, court, rehab, "daddy issues," jail time [Repeat]. That's the pure basics of it - But Google that shit for additional info, if necessary. Towards the end of

[W]reckless, Topless American Youth: Lana del Rey - "Born 2 Die" (Britney Spears Birthday 30)

Lana del Rey [Lizzy Grant] effectively became 2011's "It Girl" with the release of her phenomenal debut single, "Video Games" (Stranger) . Like many struggling singer-songwriters, Grant has been signed, dropped, and significantly changed her public image since bursting onto the scene (2009). With that said, it can be assumed that Lana del Rey has collected just as many "haters" as she has avid supporters. To be perfectly honest, the only other artist I can think of that made this much commotion... garnered so much wide-spread buzz/hate and critical acclaim -- right out of the gates -- with just one track is Britney Spears . And maybe in this post- Mike musical era, that's the true synthesis of Pop Culture: Britney Lynn Spears . After months of repeated teasing and speculation, Lana del Rey 's major label debut, Born 2 Die will [finally] be released this coming Jan. 30-31, 2012. Pitchfork reports that it will feature "Off to The Ra

Liberty Bell Cracked In 1/2: Ween - "Freedom of '76" (Gene Ween's Final Send-Off)

Chocolate & Cheese (1994) was one of the first albums I bought with my own money. I was in some sort of BMG Music Club , where you'd buy 5 CD's and then get 10 for "FREE." It was all sent through mail order and you picked the titles from some special booklet. I'm almost positive that Chocolate & Cheese's side boob-baring album cover was what initially drew me in... mind you, I was 12-15 and the zany Ween logo/middle finger CD graphic really didn't hurt either. Honestly, I forget how I really felt about it @ the time, but a few years later, my older cousin Josh told me that Ween were this BIG college "jam band." CKY did some sort pf 93.3 radio takeover to promote their new album and played "Freedom of '76" late that night on air. Needless to say, I re-visited Chocolate & Cheese @ about 20-something this go 'round and I fucking loved it! Ween were really weird, yet talented... almost too talented. I can vaguel

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